Domestic violence victims – concerned friends and family of abusers

Victims of domestic violence

Have you been experiencing abuse by your partner or ex-partner? Are you looking for help on your partner’s behalf?


  • It is not your fault if you are being abused – the perpetrator is 100% responsible.
  • It is the abuser’s responsibility to find help and change. You can’t do it for them.
  • Even if the perpetrator gets help for their violence and abuse it doesn’t always mean that they will change – where does that leave you?
  • Couples therapy , anger management , mediation , individual counselling are not appropriate ways to get help when there is domestic violence in a relationship.
  • Help and support is available for you

Female victims of domestic violence

Please have a look at the following pages:

Can abusers change?

Help and support for women experiencing domestic violence

Male victims of domestic violence

Men experiencing domestic violence can contact the Men’s Advice Line, a national and confidential helpline.  Call freephone 0808 801 0327 or visit

Concerned friends and family of domestic violence perpetrators

Many people become aware that a relative or a friend has been abusive/violent to their partner. When this happens, people feel a range of emotions and mixed loyalties. Family and friends may end up ‘taking sides’, trying to ‘stay neutral’ or thinking it’s a ‘private matter’. However, domestic violence is a complex matter and can be very serious for the person on the receiving end and any children in the home. The leaflet below gives some guidance:

Respect Phoneline – Friends and family leaflet

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