Gay and bi male perpetrators of domestic violence

Help for gay and bi men who abuse their partners

‘I’ve hit him so many times that I’ve lost count…If I don’t get help I’ll lose him’

‘I get so angry sometimes and I lash out at him; and then I regret it’

Do you recognise yourself in any of that? Are you concerned that your behaviour towards your partner is costing you your relationship?

Asking for help for violence and abuse

It can be tough facing up to difficult problems. We can help you make the changes you need, so that you are safe around your partner (and children if you have them). Changing abusive behaviours is a long and difficult process. This website can go as far as making you aware of some aspects of the problem.

What is abuse?

Abuse is something that is said or done that hurts another person physically, emotionally, sexually or mentally. Domestic violence is a number of abusive behaviours, both physical and non-physical, that may occur frequently or infrequently.  In most cases there is pattern of abuse.

→Call us and we’ll help you understand your own pattern of violence and abuse.

Why does abuse happen?

Abuse doesn’t just happen. Rather than being about loss of control, as a lot of people think, most of the time it’s about you trying to be in control.

→Call us and we’ll help you understand how your violence and abuse is about you trying to be in control.

Effects of your abuse

It’s important to face up to how your behaviour affects your partner. The more you can understand what your behaviour is like for him, the harder it will be to behave badly towards himin future.

→How would you feel if someone treated you the way you’ve treated your partner?

What can you do? What help is available?

Talk about it

A problem shared is a problem halved.

→Call the Respect Phoneline and our advisors will listen to you and help you.

Your call is anonymous and confidential.

Understand and try to change

As a short-term solution you can read the following documents:

Managing jealousy leaflet

‘Choose to stop!’ booklet for gay and bi men

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