Male domestic violence perpetrators

Help for men who abuse their female partners

‘Sometimes when we argue I shout at her. She is scared of me’

‘I slapped her once and I promised myself it would never happen – but it did…’

‘I get angry with her and I totally lose it…’

Do you recognise yourself in any of this? Are you concerned that your behaviour towards your partner is costing you your relationship? Are you worried your children are witnessing too many arguments?

It’s just a choice!

Why does abuse happen?

Abuse doesn’t just happen. Rather than being about loss of control, as a lot of people think, most of the time it’s about you trying to be in control. It’s a choice. And you can choose to behave in ways that are not hurtful. This video from Films4Change (a not-for-profit Australian charity) can help you understand there are positive options for change.

→Call us and we’ll help you understand how your violence and abuse is about you trying to be in control.

Asking for help for violence and abuse

It can be tough facing up to difficult problems. We can help you make the changes you need, so that you are safe around your partner and children. Changing abusive behaviours is a long and difficult process. The information on this website aims to help you understand the problem and hopefully start to make some changes.

What is abuse?

Abuse is something that is said or done that hurts another person physically, emotionally, sexually or mentally. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behaviours, both physical and non-physical, that may occur frequently or infrequently.  In most cases there is pattern of abuse.

→Call us and we’ll help you understand your own pattern of violence and abuse.

Effects of your abuse

It’s important to face up to how your behaviour affects your partner and your children. The more you can understand what your behaviour is like for her, the harder it will be to behave badly towards her in future.

→How would you feel if someone treated you the way you’ve treated your partner?

What can you do? What help is available?

Talk about it

→Call the Respect Phoneline and our advisors will listen to you and help you.

Your call is anonymous and confidential.

Understand and try to change

As a short-term solution you can read the following documents:

Respect Phoneline ‘Spot the warning signs-Time out’

Managing jealousy leaflet

Respect Phoneline ‘Choose to stop’ booklet for men


‘From Fear to Freedom: Masculinity, Control and Change: A Workbook for Men’ by Dave Morran (Editor), Venture Press, 2009, ISBN 1861780826.

‘Violent No More’ by Michael Paymar, Hunter House Publishers, 2000, ISBN 0897932684.

‘Man to Man: A Guide for Men in Abusive Relationships’ by Edward W. Gondolf and David M. Russell, Sulzburger & Graham Pub Co, ISBN 0945819617 or you can download it free of charge here.

Join a Domestic Violence Prevention Programme

Website disclaimer

The information contained in this website is for general information purposes only. The information is provided by Respect and while we take every reasonable effort to keep the information up to date and correct, we make no representations or warranties of any kind, express or implied, about the completeness, accuracy, reliability, suitability or availability with respect to the website or the information, products, services, or related graphics contained on the website for any purpose. Any reliance you place on such information is therefore strictly at your own risk.

In no event will we be liable for any loss or damage including without limitation, indirect or consequential loss or damage, or any loss or damage whatsoever arising from loss of data or profits arising out of, or in connection with, the use of this website.

Through this website you are able to link to other websites which are not under the control of Respect. We have no control over the nature, content and availability of those sites. The inclusion of any links does not necessarily imply a recommendation or endorse the views expressed within them. Every effort is made to keep the website up and running smoothly. However, Respect takes no responsibility for, and will not be liable for, the website being temporarily unavailable due to technical issues beyond our control.